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_______Position. Velocity. Acceleration. Jerk._______

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27th June 2009

2:53am: uh-huh

3rd June 2009

1:27am: Nancy
Nancy agreed not to see the guy. She said she had only even considered saying "hi" and congratulating him and then leaving anyway.

Then tonight came around and he texted her, "would you rather see a movie or play a board game with [with me]."

She didn't know how to respond. We fussed a lot. She actually wanted to be mean but I wanted her to be nice, so to prevent retaliation from him after she broke his heart. She reiterated about me, and how she was taken. Then she stopped texting me. I don't know what happened during that time, but I presume she called him. Who knows, I decided to take it into my own hands.

I looked up his cell phone based by searching google for his company. Got it. Called it. He picked up, and when I said who I was he hung up. I called again but he didn't pick up this time, so I left a message. I told him I didn't think it was professional to ask my girlfriend out, and that she was taken. I mentioned I might have to tell him mom about it (she runs his business, and I imagine would not be happy with this behavior).

He eventually called back. He said sorry. He claimed his text was "just how he talks to everyone" (bulllllshit). He promised he won't be stepping out of line towards my girl again.

When in doubt, be a man and defend your girl, don't make her do it. Lesson learned.

17th May 2009

8:59pm: Some things I respect
Those who dedicate themselves
Those who strive for insight
Those who apply their intelligence
Those who earn
Those who remain generous in spite of being rewarded for it
Those who love to laugh
Those who question
Those who reason before they fear

5th May 2009

8:18pm: Jaded
Every time I someone I love hurts me I feel a little more hollow inside.

2nd May 2009

4:15pm: Each of us is bound to leave some mark upon this world. Those of us who posses great health and ability have the potential to leave the the deepest impressions upon the soil of society.

We can work towards retirement, we can work to consume toys, but how does that feel on a higher level. If the world were a sailboat, and chance occurrence was the wind, we each have a hand on the rudder. With so much power, comes a moral responsibility to push that rudder just a bit to orient this world on a greater course. Some men have been able to do so directly, making contributions to mathematics, philosophy, science, and medicine. Much more often, people contribute positively by empowering those who have ability.

23rd March 2009

3:15pm: What
We're eye to eye,
shins to bones
not bloods n crips--
but rods n cones,
The road we pave
The chrome we spin
To make the wave
That we swim in
To sew the web
And catch the man
To kill the beast
We swam and ran
Flew the least
And loved the best
I screamed inside
But screw the rest
We'll never hide.

11th March 2009

3:05pm: For everyone
We all study the art of being true to ourselves, whilst holding back enough of our character to not push others away. It's a thin line to straddle, for sure, and we fail at it half the time. Sometimes it just a matter of finding the person who will accept you, but it's always a good idea to reveal yourself in palatable doses.

3rd March 2009

11:50pm: Who be me
"Cool" people accept me but "uncool" people seem less inclined to. Isn't that backwards? I'll go out and try to fit in with nerds only to struggle, feel defeated, and finally give up, walk over to some sorority girls and be accepted like I belong. I know I don't belong with either group, so I guess it doesn't matter, but the thought counts.


My bed squeaks and I wish it didn't.

16th February 2009

10:37pm: Wizened old man
I just found out that the word wizened refers to emaciation, but wisdom, in it's original meaning. I found this while reading about Vibrio cholerae.

10th February 2009

8:59pm: Who am I?
What gave me this philia for the dangerous? I met a girl who I liked. I met a girl with parents who wear devil's horns. I met a girl who speaks perfect Spanish. I met a girl who told me I was perfect. Nerdy, the way I read books.

8th February 2009

3:46pm: Today's Thought; Number Seventy-two
I have a problem with the way psychology is conducted. These so-called doctors of philosophy get together and write down a bunch of random characteristics to pigeon-hole a person with, they then throw these characteristic into a hat, and draw them at random, say eight at a time, and whichever grouping seems the most fitting they call a "personality disorder," and they publish it in their spiffy little book they call Le Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Then people who like to think they are doctors can look up a disorder and label a patient with it. Of course, this label does no one any good, unless they want to be stigmatized, which a lot of people do, so that instead of saying, "Hey guys, sorry I acted kind of weird they other day," you can say "Guys! It wasn't me, it was my *personality disorder*."

18th January 2009

2:38pm: Oh God
This soap smells just like a certain girl, and now I smell like her.

12th January 2009

11:18pm: I dont understand
Why things go hand in hand

9th January 2009

12:32am: Apparent
Multiple people have told me they much prefer my real self to the persona I put forth on the internet.

1st January 2009

9:10pm: ...
All the shit I see in Marin really mind-fucks me.

31st December 2008

7:21pm: 1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Worked my ass off in school. Also, I had a girl end a relationship with me instead of the other way around for once, as well as some other interpersonal failures that I have never had before. Lot's of learning experiences, you could say.

I also had this sort of love-at-first-site bullshit experience that mind-fucked me pretty good.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think I did. I'm not sure what my last one was. Probably something to do with staying clean or not killing myself. I haven't done any cocaine for over a year, and it has been ever longer for heroin, which is fucking amazing. I also haven't been arrested, or done anything that could get me in a lot of trouble, like stealing a car.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, thank God. It's going to happen soon though--so many cousins have grown up.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No one killed them self this year, and no one has overdosed, which is really nice. It's possible that one of my old friends has died, but that's the reason I don't keep up.

5. What countries did you visit?
I didn't leave the US this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More travel experience, better volunteering experiences, more laboratory hours.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
All A's and A+s, getting my clinical internship, getting things done despite my lack of a car. Twice I stayed up without sleeping for three nights in a row (thanks to Monster energy drinks), which was fun.

9. What was your biggest failure?

*Multiple interpersonal failures*

Definitely many learning experiences. Ending a relationship on a bad note when I could have preserved the friendship, getting all butt-hurt by another girl and being mean to her, which sucks because I constantly have things I want to share with her but I can't now. Also, pissing off another girl who decided to ruin my reputation. Basically, I couldn't leave my room without starting a fire last year. I think constant sleep deprivation and a 6-9 coffee/day average turned me into some kind of alter-ego that a lot of people did not like.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, though a fat man told me he would kill me if I allowed his girlfriend to hug me again, which was disturbing.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A TI-89, though I haven't learned all its features. Dr. Segel gave me a copy of Biochemistry by Nelson and Cox, which I didn't pay for but it turned out to be a good gift because it is littered with facts for future doctors.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
This is cliche, but the American people, for looking past Barack's skin color, middle name, muslim father, etc., and realizing that his ticket was better than the elephant's this time around.

Mine, for working hard, and being good.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."

That occurred a lot last year, which I found disheartening, but karma will kick the shit out of them.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and rent, along with textbooks. Coffee and energy drinks would be a runner-up, if they merits their own category.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My future! For once I have it all mapped out.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
TI- You can have whatever you like ???

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier!
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter!
iii. richer or poorer? Richer, I think!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Told the people I love how great I think they are. Also, sleep! I wish I had gotten much more sleep.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Less avoiding people, maybe; but then again, it helped me succeed in school.

Less fighting with my ex-girlfriend (so unnecessary), less fighting with other people, in general.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Not really

22. How many one-night stands?

23. What was your favourite TV program?
South Park

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I wouldn't say so

25. What was the best book you read?
Biochemistry by Garret and Grisham

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Youtube music videos

27. What did you want and get?
a new place to live

28. What did you want and not get?

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Run Fatboy Run, The Dark Knight, Shooter (lol)

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
22 and Drank a bit, but not too much

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Tighter shirts because I'm so thin, more coats, sometimes wearing my hood on my sweatshirt all day, ie being antisocial. Growing my hair really really long, and then cutting it myself a bunch of different times.

33. What kept you sane?
Nothing, I'm quite sure I was insane for a good chunk of last year; though, my ability to reason remained better than anyone's. That aside, I went without sleep, spoke fast, was mean, was too nice, bragged excessively, told people what idiots I thought they were, told people how bad their decisions were. In general, I opened my mouth constantly when I should have said nothing.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Maybe Obama

EDIT: Sophia says that "fancy" means to be physically attracted to, so I'll say... none. I dont really find celebs attractive.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don't know, I was pretty anti-Hillary, does that count?

36. Who did you miss?
Tim, oddly enough.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Lot's of people
From my house, David is funny as heck, and Don and Joe are cool too
Dr Segel!!
All the Indian people I have met, lol
All the freshman I met
Some of the DCDers before everyone changed
Some of my amazing classmates

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Don't burn bridges

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Someday we gonna dance with those lions " -Flipsyde

30th December 2008

6:09pm: eh
I need to buy a car soon

14th December 2008

12:16pm: im in marin

3rd December 2008

6:02am: feat
slept under 1 hour between:

Sunday Nov 30th
Wed Dec 3rd

29th November 2008

8:22pm: uhh...

28th November 2008

10:18pm: Shit
I'm fucked. I need to be in Santa Barbara on Tuesday but I can't miss classes on Monday. Thus, I cannot take a train. I also have two papers due on Monday, and a quiz.

I need to write those papers tomorrow and Sunday, and still do my Sunday internship. I need to buy a cheap car on Saturday, and drive it to SB on Tues. I need to buy drive it on my suspended licence, so I cannot get pulled over for any reason. Thus the car must have up-to-date registration tags.

I believe in order to accomplish all of this, I may need adderall. Each paper requires researching at least five studies, each of which will take a 1/2 minimum to absorb, if not an hour. On the safe side, that is 10 studies x 1hour/study = 10 hours just on research. If I give myself 6 hours to write each that is 12 + 10 = 24 hours of pure work. I have less than that much time, since my internship saps 7 hours from sunday. That is 31 hours in the next two days. Then factor in 2 for driving, and another 2 for getting the car. 33/48 hours are consumed in the next two days. That is with no procrastination.

Need adderall.

12th November 2008

8:44pm: Shit
Woke up depressed just now.

11th November 2008

3:39pm: Oh my God
This song is so fucking hard its making ME hard!


3rd November 2008

7:04pm: Wow
99% on Segel's midterm.

Un-FUCKING-heard-of. Not sure how many years since anyone has pulled that. 80% was an A. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

They keep underestimating you, Butch.

2nd November 2008

12:28am: Shit
I'm sick of all this fucking schoolwork bullshit.
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