_______Position. Velocity. Acceleration. Jerk._______

5:05pm: I'm doing some editing work for China's largest clothing company
I was reading some of the documents I was editing, and wondering why the company puts up so much money towards altruism. It struck me:

1) Marketing relies hugely on the image of the brand. Citing such deeds adds the feelings of "morality, ethics, righteousness" to the brand.

2) This is the real genius behind it. one of the documents was concerning "helping" this farming village by building roads into the village and renovating its lands. To me it was obvious that the company wasn't helping the village, they had some commercial interest in the land. What they can do, though, is point to their history of good monetary donations, and say "look, we just like to help people, and that's the only reason we are here." It also would work for acquisitions of smaller companies.

3) Business, like politics, may be quid pro quo, and thus by helping an area stricken by a disaster, for instance, you may be able to call on that company later and get dibs on a deal.

Thoughts/Comments/Cares?

5:31pm: Wordiness
If you are going to be verbose, you should first check to ensure you have a large vocabulary. You probably don't. People toss around big words thinking it makes them sound smart. To stupid people, it might; but then again, they may be just as likely to think you are some kind of "elitist." To smart people, your words may very well sound pretentious.

11:05pm: Science
We critique governments to make them better; we critique science to make it more useful.

If we look, and see, and feel, we have known God. God is us, and God is the world. The physics describe his personality. Anyone who tells you their scripture is right when it contradicts what lies before your very eyes quotes only the devil and is a false prophet.

2:53am: uh-huh
uh-oh
huh?
ugh!

4:02am: From Chinese Face Reading
"We communicate through our mouths and our lips reveal our communications style. Thin lips usually indicate an argumentative personality, yet they usually belong to someone who has a sharp mind and good communication skills to match. Just don’t argue with somebody who has thin lips, you are bound to lose! Thick lips indicate a more emotional and affectionate personality."

I'm intrigued by this passage describing Chinese face reading because thick lips are an estrogen characteristic, ie female. It would make sense that the more male characteristic would be more argumentative (testosterone, agressive), and the more female characteristic more emotional and affectionate. Funny how superstition does indeed often have roots in observation, and thus outlines correct correlations.

9:12pm: I pulled an all nighter
Last night.

I gotta email my teacher about this physiology thing. As far as the lung is concerned, the only forces acting upon it are those that are intrinsic, and those due to direct forces on it, including pressure. Forces on the chest wall may be important to maintaining the pressure gradient, but at the differential place on the lung it doesnt feel that.

9:12pm: I have one last important exam
I'm graduating on June 12

6:15pm: Everything is going well for me
Everything has been returned to it's proper order. Entropy is low, yet the future has laid many paths before me. I have one last final to complete and I will be done with undergraduate work! I've developed an interest in investing, and earning money all of the sudden. This is perfect, as revenue will soon become important for me, either right away, or after medical school.

1:27am: Nancy
Nancy agreed not to see the guy. She said she had only even considered saying "hi" and congratulating him and then leaving anyway.

Then tonight came around and he texted her, "would you rather see a movie or play a board game with [with me]."

She didn't know how to respond. We fussed a lot. She actually wanted to be mean but I wanted her to be nice, so to prevent retaliation from him after she broke his heart. She reiterated about me, and how she was taken. Then she stopped texting me. I don't know what happened during that time, but I presume she called him. Who knows, I decided to take it into my own hands.

I looked up his cell phone based by searching google for his company. Got it. Called it. He picked up, and when I said who I was he hung up. I called again but he didn't pick up this time, so I left a message. I told him I didn't think it was professional to ask my girlfriend out, and that she was taken. I mentioned I might have to tell him mom about it (she runs his business, and I imagine would not be happy with this behavior).

He eventually called back. He said sorry. He claimed his text was "just how he talks to everyone" (bulllllshit). He promised he won't be stepping out of line towards my girl again.

When in doubt, be a man and defend your girl, don't make her do it. Lesson learned.

10:20pm: Indoctrination
Some people think Human's are not evolving. If you accept that natural selection inevitable leads to visible evolution, then we are evolving. If you don't, you can at least admit we are changing, to use a lighter word. You see strong correlations between distinct regional groups of people and things like eye color. We diverge in man other ways as well, many people just happened to be fascinated by eye color, so it gets talked about a lot.

I think over the time course of human history, religion has played a massive role in deciding what groups of people beat out their competitors. Just look at the teachings of any successful religion. Take Christianity:

-Don't kill your neighbor
-Don't steal from your neighbor

These sort of things help a society cooperate, thrive, and grow strong. Thus, a religion has the potential to convey a massive selective advantage upon an entire civilization. Even just being "God fearing" means you are more likely to cooperate, and less likely to defect in many situations. A selfish person might refrain from a selfish behavior if he believes an almighty fatherly figure is watching.

Good religions discourage overlapping sexual partners. That is, they might allow for a man to have more than one women, but never a woman to have more than one man. That way, a disease with a sexual vector can never pass from one man to another through a shared female partner, nor can it pass from a woman to man, and back to another woman who could pass it to a different man. In addition, they will discourage homosexual sex. Thus, diseases with a sexual vector can be carried a short distance vertically (man to woman, woman to man) but never laterally (never from one man to another man, by any route), thus their exponential spread is hindered by the religion, so long as people obey it.

If a religion can convey an advantage to its members, then it must not only have been selected upon, but the very intrinsic nature of humans which allows us to be indoctrinated into a religion must also have been. People have evolved to be religious. For thousands of years, this was almost certainly an advantage, and may be today as well. There are, of course, disadvantages:

1) An individual who is forced to cooperate some of the time is always weaker than an individual who can choose to defect at any time.
2) The nature that allows us to be indoctrinated into a "good" religion also allows us to be indoctrinated into a "bad" one, or even another form of ideology altogether that could be bad, such as a political movement.

In western society, we have advanced to such a degree that, within many communities, the selection for religiosity has diminished. Our niche is not quite the same, and learning is likely as useful to the average Joe as obeying once was. With the selection removed, people are being born who aren't made for indoctrination, who can't understand Worship, Nationalist movements, and many aspects of politics. Humanity adorns a new face. These people can defect at will, and enjoy at least partial immunity to faith in any movement that does not suit them. They gravitate towards universities, they slaughter people in debates, and enjoy winning all the time. Technology and ideological shifts have given birth to intellectual elite.

In fascist movements, in communist movements, the new intellectuals butt-heads with the old prototype, which outnumbers them greatly. The latter wins, over and over. Mao Zedong indoctrinates a billion people, burns their books, banishes the people who can read them, and pushes back the new humans. But they return, years later. Eventually, they will win. They will be China's new Han. In America, they are already winning, despite their collective whine that they are not. In almost any county that touches water in this country, they are winning.

8:59pm: Some things I respect
Those who dedicate themselves
Those who strive for insight
Those who apply their intelligence
Those who earn
Those who remain generous in spite of being rewarded for it
Those who love to laugh
Those who question
Those who reason before they fear

4:40am: Sex
At this time, at age 22, I feel less depressed than I ever have. As cliche as it sounds, I think sex is largely to thank. Having tons of amazing sex makes me a better person. Not just sex, but intimacy--physical, emotional, and mental connection with a woman. I love touching, cuddling, kissing, whispering into ears, but above all: sex. I'm damn close to earning the nymphomaniac moniker. I'm not ashamed of it. Recently, a girl contacted me. She said she wanted to thanks me. For what, I asked her. For being the one to take her maiden's head. But surely, she should be mad that I had her and left her less than several months later? No, thankful. Because her subsequent boyfriend was a terrible lay and she was glad she had lost it to someone better. See, even when I was an asshole I wasn't all bad. People have benefited from my constant cravings. Sex makes women feel loved, so if you're a nympho like me, fuck your girlfriend like crazy all day every day and don't be ashamed for doing it--it's likely half the reason she adores you so much. And nothing is more gratifying than giving her orgasms, and the more you go at it, the more she can have! Well, back to the first point: sex seems to be a healthy remedy for depression, especially when done with someone you love.

8:18pm: Jaded
Every time I someone I love hurts me I feel a little more hollow inside.

2:00am: For some reason
For some reason I feel like everything is going to be ok from here on out. I think most of the people I have ever known will fail or produce offspring who will fail. I've studied these kinds of things, mathematically modeled so its harder to deny.

My girl walked up right as an attractive girl was aggressively hitting on me. Man, that has been a fight for a couple of days. It doesn't help that her hormones are all over the page this weekend, due to mother nature's monthly wrath.

I can get Cute, Smart, tall, thin, rich.. girls. Yet, when I go on Facebook, I recall that.. EVERYONE? .. in Marin looked down on me. Did they? Am I imagining that. Well, I went on today, and noticed that one person who I could have sworn I had been friends with,removed me. A girl from COM who was always buddy-buddy with me. Did she talk to Savannah? Rachel? Why does she dislike me all of the sudden? More importantly, why do I care? Why does ever looser have to like me?

4:15pm: Each of us is bound to leave some mark upon this world. Those of us who posses great health and ability have the potential to leave the the deepest impressions upon the soil of society.

We can work towards retirement, we can work to consume toys, but how does that feel on a higher level. If the world were a sailboat, and chance occurrence was the wind, we each have a hand on the rudder. With so much power, comes a moral responsibility to push that rudder just a bit to orient this world on a greater course. Some men have been able to do so directly, making contributions to mathematics, philosophy, science, and medicine. Much more often, people contribute positively by empowering those who have ability.

1:04pm: Any active attempt we make to change nature of anything counter-productive. I believe Futurama did an episode on this.

2:04pm: Whoreoscopes
I think people tend to forget how similar to eachother we all are. It's more than just looking the same and having the same set of parts, but our brains, our emotions, our very feelings, are homologous. In addition, we thrive under similar circumstances, and encounter similar situations and hardships.

So people pick up their Sunday paper and turn to the horoscope sections, they read it, and then they wonder, "Gee, how did they nail me so well? Must be magic."

The ease at which a person could write a horoscope that describes anyone is only exceeded by innate human desire to "fit in." The fact is, no matter how much we try and deny it, we love it when people label us. Obtaining a label, a description, getting that shiny adjective and pinning i to our beings, it gives us a sense of belonging. So we read something like a horoscope and, even if it the writing is describing us in a way that our friends might not see us, we might say, "Yea, that's me, yea I am an adventurous person, like that time I went to Safeway on a nearly empty tank of gas; I'm really bold." Even if you aren't bold and adventurous, and instead are a timid coward who is afraid to step beyond their doorstep most days, you might accept whatever label the horoscope give you.

Now, why am I being so hard on horoscopes? I'm not, horoscopes are fun and entertaining, but they serve as a good analogy to something else: people going on the internet and diagnosing themselves with disorders. A common example of this is when people diagnose themselves is "bipolar disorder." They get on the internet, and look at some websites and some forums and say to themselves, "well you know, I am emotional. Why, yes, I do feel sad at times and I don't know why. I do get very excited over things that excite me, wow, I think I might need medication." Now, I'm mocking them, but that is rather close to what is really happening. In addition, these self-diagnosing types often have major incentive for diagnosing themselves with something like bipolar--maybe they are going through a divorce, or got in a fight and were embarrassed--it wasn't me, it was my bipolar!

The dilemma is this:

1) Should information be free

if

2) People are not smart enough to avoid harming themselves with it

My opinion: Yes, information should be free because even if people don't harm themselves with it, whoever is the keeper of the information will use it to harm others. For instance, priests used to be the only people in town who could read, and thus would tell people, "the Bible says this, and um, it says for you to give me 5 acres of land, because you sinned, and now God wants it for, erm, the church." (My favorite example of knowledge monopoly)

5:36pm: I've grown to be quite a snob
I've never pinned that adjective adjective to myself before, but it fits me. "Snob" describes me well.

I've spent five hours today cleaning my house, and several yesterday; I plan on cleaning for another 3 hours at least before school commences again. I accept cleaning up for everyone else because they don't know how to clean.

I want to be a doctor, and part of my motivation stems form my desire to be in the upper class, rather than the middle. I would like to be part of some educated upper class elite full of doctors and professors--people who like to live in clean houses.

I don't make friends because I am a snob. I am too much of a snob to "go out to the bars" and too much of a snob to even talk to guys in Fraternities. I even apply snobbery to sex. One-night stands are ok, but not good enough for me, I need mind-blowing "we love eachother and we both have hot bodies and biting and hickies are ok, and we both will cum fireworks at the same moment" sex.

I get mad at my girlfriend when she mentions her love of fast-food and Top Raman noodles. I am poor. I could eat three meals a day, or 1.5 nice meals and a latte, and I choose the latter. I make up for those lost calories by consuming massive quantities of icecream, which is inexpensive if you know where to look.

I don't even like bad TV anymore. I can't watch the news; it's so fake. It's amazing me that anyone believes the news has anything to with the actual motivations behind our foreign policy. Oh, that's right, I'm an "IQ" snob, I can't stand stupid beliefs or the people who hold them. Not to mention a Major snob (pun intended, I guess), I only respect certain academic Majors. Humanities don't tend to make my list, but art can for some reason.

1:36pm: Gravity
We call gravity what folds space
I say gravity is God's embrace

3:15pm: What
We're eye to eye,
shins to bones
not bloods n crips--
but rods n cones,
The road we pave
The chrome we spin
To make the wave
That we swim in
To sew the web
And catch the man
To kill the beast
We swam and ran
Flew the least
And loved the best
I screamed inside
But screw the rest
We'll never hide.

10:33am: Learning
I have a feeling there are two overlapping yet distinct modes of learning employed by most students.

Mode 1, "Organized" -- This method is the most powerful method for scoring well on almost any exam if you have the brain for it.

Mode 2, "Disorganized" -- This method is weaker come exam time, and so most of it's practitioners adopt a half-assed "organized" study routine when cramming. Yet, this method is far more powerful for allowing a person to use his or her knowledge later to create something novel.

Organized

Paul Erlich proposes first model for antibody
First model for antibody proposed in 1900
First model for antibody is "Lock and Key"
Paul Erlich proposed "Lock and Key" model of antibody
Paul Erlich's antibody model was proposed in 1900
Paul Erlich proposed first cellular model of immune function
Paul Erlich proposed cellular immune model in 1900
Cellular model of immune function was propsed in 1900
Paul Erlich proposed two models in 1900
Erlichs cellular model was called the side chain theory
The side chain theory, antibody producing cells have side chains
Side chains on antibody producing cells are selected for, Erlich
Selection of side chains is by antigen binding, Erlich

The brain then searches through these entries at lightning-speed and generates an "answer" to some problem. Notice the high amount of systems redundancy. The more the person studies, the greater the redundancy of imput and the better they will score. This is the model almost everyone uses all the time. The better they get at it, the better they score, and the more they study the better they score. Their scores are also a function of innate ability, though, as some brains can simply store more, search faster, organize better, and grab more lines of informaion simulataneously.

The Disorganized brain doesn't store informaiton cartegorically very well, so it pools it with everything else.

Paul Erlich propsed the side chain theory
"balls floating around with side chains on them, the chains are each unique for a target"
The balls are immune cells
The chains are antibodies
Antibodes are coded by immune system genes
It's sort of like a group of soldiers, all the same, but with different weapons each for a target (long range single = sniper, long range multiple = morter, short range = rifle, face to face = knife, short range multiple = flame thrower,...)
Paul Erlich proposed lock and key Model
Some legos fit inside other legos, but others do not

The answer to a question is encumbered by the information crossover. The advantage of disoragnized learning, is when a *new* problem arised:

"Sound is moving from point A to point B, but we cannot see that anything is moving that far, only a series of perturbations in air pressure between the points."

*"Well, ocean waves take information (water perturbation) in one area and move it elsewhere without the water itself actually moving that distance, so perhaps sound is a wave of air pressure much the same."*

3:05pm: For everyone
We all study the art of being true to ourselves, whilst holding back enough of our character to not push others away. It's a thin line to straddle, for sure, and we fail at it half the time. Sometimes it just a matter of finding the person who will accept you, but it's always a good idea to reveal yourself in palatable doses.

10:26pm: Hm
Our education system forces pre-med students to sacrafice everything for school, to learn about chemicals, cells, microbes, genes, proteins, physiology, to a T. To pack more information in our heads in a few years than many pack in four decades. But that requires sacrafice. One gains much knowledge about school but little about the real world.

Our patients are to be real people, lay people, many uneducated, stupid, an in need of soothing reassurance from someone who understands their woes. These Eastern students with their noses burried in their books are useless to a patient with drug addiciton problems, or one needing advice on sex, pregnancy, or other life issues. They know little of what goes on in the lives of the poor and the desperate.

Anyway. My girl wore 3 inch heels today, maybe 4 inch--she was nearly my height. She is 5'6" with flats, not the tallest girl I've dated, but I think it's my favorite height so far. Her sister is 5'9" and that makes her jealous. My girl has the thinnest legs of any girl I've dated, yet she is convinced they are fat and that she bears likeness to a "soccer mom" which I find laughable. She also thinks I only like her for her personality, and tolerate her looks. I think she is cute, and the reason I first sat next to her was because of her looks.

She accused me of cheating the other day. That and some other things made me loose it bigtime. I just started yelling. I shouldn't have done that. I said she was stupid. More specifically, she told me to "try and understand" to which I replied, "no, sorry, I can't lower my IQ enough points to see things your way," or something. I can be such a crude jerk when I blow a fuse. I felt terrible. She is such a good girl, and she goes through so much at home, having these parents who control her every move in life. She has to balance her desire for me for her desire to have her family; a family who will disown her if she so much as tells them she wants to be happy and live a life characterized by any smidge of normalcy.

Most people aren't like me. Most people don't stand up for themselves. Most people cannot be convincing in an argument; they crack, can't conjure the proper words, or just haven't developed rhetoric at all to debate with. So they are perpetual victims. How can you watch someone you care about be a victim?

11:50pm: Who be me
"Cool" people accept me but "uncool" people seem less inclined to. Isn't that backwards? I'll go out and try to fit in with nerds only to struggle, feel defeated, and finally give up, walk over to some sorority girls and be accepted like I belong. I know I don't belong with either group, so I guess it doesn't matter, but the thought counts.

PS

My bed squeaks and I wish it didn't.

10:25pm: This bit of Murphy's law amuses me
Everyone knows that as soon as you get serious about someone you are seeing, members of the opposite sex throw themselves at you. Within what seems like days me me deciding I care for non other than my current girl, girls in all my classes started treating me extra well. Maybe they smell her on me? All I know is that it's nice being treated so well. For one thing, I had a huge project due, and a girl from my MCB class was all but willing to do the whole thing for me, sitting with me as I studies, offering me help whenever I should need it, and lending me all her work. As I sat there, anotehr girl came right up to me and sat across from me and started chatting me up. I met her last week--she is just over six feet tall but wants to go out with me, which I find amusing; imagine if she wore heels. I even notice girls glancing at me. That shit never seems to happen when you are single.

Anyway, I'm satisfied with who I'm seeing though, and I respect her way too much to risk hurting her feelings. She is super nerdy, like me, and sort of has this innocent yet not at all innocent thing going on. She sends me the the best text messages in the history of texting. Her parents keep her prisoner, despite her age of 22, adn she is not allowed to date, or even speak to guys. Thus, we have a secret cell phone she uses to contact me, and we run all kinds of schemes to keep her parents in the shadows about it. Every day is an adventure.

Oh and fun fact, her brother is about to go to Yale = so epic.